Who Am I?

Death is a subject that most people avoid to discuss. Nobody wants to talk about it and it creeps out a lot of people. But has anyone ever thought of what other people would say about us when we are gone? Has anyone ever wondered how other people would describe us? What would they say in our eulogies?

Isn't it weird that when most people would introduce themselves to strangers they would say their names followed immediately by their professions or what they do for a living. Like, "Hi I'm Peter and I'm a lawyer". Why do we ever let the things that we do for a living define who we are?

More than a decade ago, a friend and mentor started a small bag manufacturing company with seven sewing machines and a dozen employees and then he hired me to manage it for him. Within a year, the company's size tripled in terms of number of machines, employees and most of all sales. With the help of our loyal employees, the business grew bigger year after year. However, to sustain its growth I needed to devote most of my time and energy to it. To our employees, suppliers, customers and other people I did business with, I was the company and the company was me. And so when I closed the business after six years, I was devastated as if a part of me died.

But there is more to me than what I do for a living. My job is just a job, but that is not who I am. To my parents, I maybe their most rebellious daughter but in their eyes I am the smartest. My youngest sister who graduated valedictorian in high school and magna cum laude in college can't believe that in our mom's eyes I am the most intelligent. Each one of my three dearest sisters will describe me differently, depending on which part of our lives you want them to talk about. My friends from high school and in the various jobs I've had will have different perceptions of who I am. The things that I like to do and very passionate about is just part of the real me. However, it is in the eyes and minds of all the people who have been part of my life where I can find who I really am.

To know what others think of us is like looking at a mirror but seeing how we look like from within.

DESTRESS ROOM

Whatever it is that we do for a living, we always get stressed daily. It may also originate from our own homes, relationships, studies and combination of all of the above. We all have different ways for handling stress. Some meditate or pray, others go to the gym, watch tv or read a book, others go out and drink or simply just take a walk. All these activities are okay in handling the daily stresses of life. But has anyone of you ever experience that you just want to be alone and scream as loud as you can because you have just reached your boiling point and about to explode. I have been for years wanting to build a place where I can de-stress without worrying about what other people may think.

I want to build a sound-proof room where I can just simply scream as loud as I can so I can let it all out. I want to be able to cry my eyes out and wail and not worry about getting heard and pitied by other people. I want to hold a baseball bat and hit something or anything as hard as I can so I will be able to release the anger and frustrations that I am keeping deep within. I want to build an over-sized dart board where I can pin the pictures of the people I strongly dislike, hate or have hurt me in the past and just shoot darts at it as much as I want. I need a room that is thickly padded all around so that when I punch the wall I won't hurt my hand. After I release all my pent-up emotions, I will step out of the destress room and simply lie down, close my eyes and rest for maybe an hour or so.

I think I should start looking around for empty office rooms either in the city or somewhere in Silicon Valley and build a few de-stress rooms. I think I will have a long line of people waiting outside and wanting to spend precious moments in it. Surprisingly, there is a company in China that provides its employees of ways of releasing stress and part of it is a de-stress room.

Bloom where you're planted

"Bloom where you're planted". That is a phrase from a Gospel song for kids that I used to listen to years ago. I can't remember exactly what the title of the song is, but that phrase got stuck in my mind.

I always wish for a perfect job, but I guess it does not exist. Just like wishing for "Mr. Perfect" to come along and sweep me off my feet. I can only hope and pray that either one or both of them will happen sometime soon.

What do I mean by a perfect job? I guess it starts with the paycheck. I always wanted a job that will allow me to pay more than just the bills, but will also allow me to provide for my family back home in the Philippines, have enough money to travel to different places and save 10%-20% of my earnings towards my retirement. That would also mean having a great mentor/coach who will inspire his/her subordinates to excel in their job and give them plenty of opportunities for growth and development. Likewise, work will be much lighter if you can be friends with your co-workers with whom you can have fun both in and out of work.

In reality having all these at the same time never happened to me at all. Or I'm not just fortunate enough to have it, not yet...but hopefully soon.

But no matter how imperfect my work situation is, I always find a way to make the best of it. I look at each situation, good or bad, as an opportunity to learn something new. I cannot change my work environment but I can certainly change my attitude towards it. For sometime, I let it took control of my intellect and emotion. But I know that it should not be the case.

Someone said that if a situation has a solution then it is a problem, but if there is no solution to it, then it is a fact. Wise people know how to differentiate a problem from a fact. If there is something that I am really good at, it is learning how to adapt given certain situation and manage to grow despite of it. I have learned how to face various challenges as they are presented to me and gained more knowledge by overcoming them.

But being under constant stress at times drives me nuts. It wears me out. There are times that I am at the point of giving in. And in situation like this that another phrase or verse from a Christian song will come into mind. For instance this verse from the song "Just Look How Far You've Come" have inspired me a lot of times in my life:

Don't give up. Don't give in. Give it all to Him.
'Cause He cares so much more than you know
When it seems who you really want to be
Is someone you'll never become
Just look how far you've come

And when things gets harder and tougher at work, I always keep the following Bible verse from Colossians 3:23-24 in mind:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. "

Manager-mentor VS Dumb boss

Webster define the word boss as:

Etymology: Dutch baas master

Date: 1653

1 : a person who exercises control or authority; specifically : one who directs or supervises workers

I have been working for more than 20 years and have held various positions in different companies in different countries. But I never had a good boss. I guess because in my opinion the word boss is not equal to manager or coach. To me, the word boss is derogatory.

Don't get me wrong, I have been fortunate enough to work under excellent managers-mentors from whom I learned a lot. To me, a great manager-mentor is someone who will help me learn and grow in the job, encourages my development both as an employee and as a person, recognizes my contributions, abilities and capabilities, treats me as a colleague and gives me plenty of room to do my work the best way I could.

Years ago, I used to work as an IT specialist for an industry association. I reported directly to the general manager. One of my duties was to create the materials for his presentation for the two monthly committee meetings that he always attended. He would call me into his office, tells me what he needs and when he needs it. And then he leaves alone while I am working at it. How I do my job was all up to me as long as I do what he expects and deliver it in a timely manner. The presentations I created were always colorful, comprehensive and easy to read. I always made him look good among his peers in the industry. After each meeting, he would come to me and thanked me for a job well done.

About a year ago, I had the opportunity to work with the best manager I ever met since I joined the company that I am working for right now. She valued me as a person and not just a a cog on a gear. She treated me in such a way that I felt good about what I do and take pride and ownership in it. She constantly encouraged me to do better each day, even on the days that I failed to meet job expectations. She would always say that tomorrow is another day to do better than yesterday. She went above and beyond in helping me grow. She was the best coach I've ever had. She led by example and was never bossy. And even though we no longer work together, we remained dear friends.

I also worked in the electronics department of a retail store for two years, where I was fortunate to work under an excellent coach-manager. And oh I love that guy, not because he is a tall and good looking, but because of who he is. At that time, I was the only female sales rep, so he took me aside and told me to report to him right away if any of my co-workers are harassing me. Wow! I found in him a guardian-protector too. At the end of each month, he calls us one-by-one in his office for a performance review. He will point out to me what I did best and commended me for it. And then he showed me where I need to improve and showed me how I can do better. There was no single costumer or work related issue that I brought to his attention that he did not resolve in a timely manner. What an amazing guy!

How I wish all managers-mentors are like those examples I mentioned above. Unfortunately, I have to deal with dumb and stupid bosses most of the time.

Dumb bosses thought that because their business cards have the title "manager" in it, that they automatically must receive respect from their subordinates. How dumb and stupid that notion is! What made them think that they are entitled to it just because someone as stupid as they are bestowed upon them the title of "manager"? Respect is earned and cannot be demanded. You are either worthy of it otherwise you will never get it.

Dumb bosses exercises control over their subordinates by cracking whips on them. Their way of getting results includes threats, pressures and punishments. They don't see their subordinates as people with feelings, thoughts and opinions. To them the only thing that matters is what they can get out of each employee under their control. For them, to show compassion towards their subordinates is a sign of weakness.

They are so stupid that their subordinates know more about the job than them. They are just lucky to have knowledgeable employees as their subordinates. They are incapable of giving encouragement and would demand that their employees to go to work even if they are sick with communicable diseases.

They got promoted by kissing asses, licking feet and sucking whatever they can suck on. And that is exactly what they expect from their subordinates. How I wish there is a way to round up all dumb bosses and ship them out to the war zones and let them get blown up into pieces. My fear is that they may multiply into thousands of dumb bosses.

If there is a way to clone the best manager-mentors, I would get their DNA samples and reproduce millions of them. And if there is a vaccine against dumb-bosses I would inoculate them all so they can be eradicated.

To all the dumb bosses out there I dedicate the song "I Pray For You" by Jason and the long road to love.